Remember when that 6-year-old national security menace had the gall to brandish a lego gun (roughly the size of a quarter) on his school bus, leading to his suspension and written apology?

Or the time that shifty-eyed kindergartener brought an un-capped cap gun onto his school bus, prompting an interrogation which eventually led him to wet his pants?

And of course, the time an 8-year-old Baltimore boy was suspended for chewing his pop tart into something vaguely resembling the shape of a gun?

All great moments in national security.

Now some asinine Republican from Texas is trying to put a stop to the scourge that is children who brandish imaginary weapons, by defunding schools that punish such behavior.

Via the Hill:

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) introduced legislation this week to block federal funding for schools that enforce rules that punish students for playing with imaginary weapons.

The Student Protection Act, H.R. 2625, is a reaction to what Stockman says is the zero tolerance policy at some schools that has led to several suspensions of very young children who engage in these activities, including cases where students pretended their thumb and index finger is a gun.

The bill finds that these school policies are being used to outlaw “harmless expressions of childhood play,” and are only teaching students to “be afraid of inanimate objects that are shaped like guns.”

The language in the bill is astounding.  It’s the equivalent of reading warning labels on shampoo bottles, telling users not to ingest – the words are written because somebody, somewhere, was stupid enough to take this action.

For example:


(a) No funds appropriated pursuant to any provisions of law may be used for any educational institution which punishes a student as a result of any of the following actions by the student:

(1) brandishing a pastry or other food which is partially consumed in such a way that the remnant resembles a gun;

(2) possession of a toy gun which is two inches or less;

(3) possession of a toy gun made of plastic snap together building blocks;

(4) using a finger or hand to simulate a gun;

(5) vocalizing imaginary firearms or munitions;

(6) wearing a T-shirt that supports Second Amendment rights;

(7) drawing a picture of, or possessing an image of, a firearm; or

(8) using a pencil, pen or other writing utensil to simulate a firearm.

Honestly, if we could just get these educators who punish little kids for making pop tarts into the shape of a gun, or bringing in fake Lego guns, placed on security detail in Benghazi or Boston, we’d be a safer nation.

When the educators are clearly less intelligent than the students they teach, then you know our school systems are in serious peril.