Dana Nessel, a Michigan Democrat who raised eyebrows with a political ad that asked voters to choose “the candidate who doesn’t have a penis,” once defended a Detroit strip club that employed a 15-year-old girl as a dancer.

In her latest ad, Nessel sits in front of a fireplace and woos voters with her most important argument – her belief that she can’t commit sexual misconduct because she’s not a man.

“When you’re choosing Michigan’s next attorney general, ask yourself this: Who can you trust most not to show you their penis in a professional setting?” she says.

“Is it the candidate who doesn’t have a penis?” Nessel adds.

“I’d say so.”

I swear to you I’m not making that up.

 

Nessel is running to be Michigan’s next Attorney General. And her biggest selling point is the lack of a penis. Surely she has some sort of record to run on, no?

Well, actually she does.

Nessel, who views herself as the anti-sexual harassment candidate, once defended a Detroit strip club that had hired an underage dancer.

She defended Club Onyx despite evidence they’d exploited the 15-year-old girl in hiring her to perform for their audience. Nessel, rather than have club owners charged, suggested police give “lectures” to the staff about how to run a 21-and-up strip club.

“We requested members of the police department to come in and give lectures (to club staff),” Nessel said. “It’s a legitimate business, and they are trying to work within the balance of the law. They don’t want to cause havoc in the community.”

The girl had been arrested months earlier for performing at another club. The legal age to perform at that time in Michigan had been 18.

“I will not sexually harass my staff and I won’t tolerate it in your workplace either,” Nessel says in her new ad. “I won’t walk around in a half-open bathrobe, and I’ll continue to take all sex crimes seriously, just like I did as a prosecutor.”