Apparently combating an epidemic of lip balm junkies in their district, an elementary school in Virginia has given ChapStick the designation of “over-the-counter drug,” demanding a doctor’s note if students want to use it.

Grace Karaffa, an 11-year-old student at Stuarts Draft Elementary School, is fighting the school policy and dreams of a day when all her fellow pre-teen peers can emerge from the shadows to openly use ChapStick in their schools.

Karaffa had to bring her fight to the August County school board, finally growing frustrated after being told she could not use ChapStick on the playground or in the classroom, despite her bleeding lips.

Via EAG News:

“I was told I couldn’t use it,” Karaffa told The News Virginian. “Then later that day they (lips) started to bleed so I asked for Chapstick again and I was told that it was against the school policy for elementary kids to have Chapstick.”

After starting a petition and gaining more than 236 signatures, Karaffa took her concerns to a Thursday night school board meeting in an attempt to get the school to allow students to engage in the act of lip moisturization.

“Chapstick allows the human body to heal the lips themselves and protects them in any weather from drying out,” Karaffa said. “Please school board, allow us to have Chapstick.”

The original reasoning was that some kids may be allergic to ChapStick.  Then the Assistant Superintendent claimed the lip moisturizing stick could be labeled as an “over-the-counter drug.” Such a designation requires a doctor note and means the ChapStick can only be applied by a school nurse.

Lest you find this ridiculous, please consider the possibility that ChapStick could actually be a gateway drug to more hardcore substances, such as Burt’s Bees or a tub of Udderly Smooth.

Remember, they’re trying to prevent this elicit behavior in schools:

What’s next, a ban on tots? Sweet bikes?

Even after her school board presentation, one member questioned Karaffa, claiming ChapStick might take away from schoolwork.

Following her speech, Grace was cross examined, her father said – with one board member asking the girl if using ChapStick at school might be seen as a distraction.

“She said, ‘I think it would be more distracting to have bleeding lips while I’m doing my work,’” her father said. “That ended that line of questioning.”

The board is considering Karaffa’s proposal. Until then, she’ll be making a killing selling ChapStick to strung out, dry-lipped elementary school students on the black market.

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